of births, chaos and deaths

With the new doctors out of medical school, and new Registrars getting into their roles, the year has started with news that there were a series of deaths among doctors. This is horrid news. Count four currently, and we all hope it will stop there.

I remembered dipping my feet into the Psychiatry role a few months back. I did like my job overall, but I found that listening to people's stories of injustice could be overwhelming. I did break down once, and I was advised to seek help, to talk with others, to debrief. The challenge is that we become vulnerable when we do so. I did seek help though, and it really helped.

One common topic in many of my rotations is on empathy. How much empathy is healthy?
"Don't take the job personally," I was advised. And still, I struggle with leaving my work in the hospital. After a bad day, I take the burdens on my shoulders as I leave the hospital doors, pondering on them carefully on how the day could have gone better until I finally rests my head on the pillow in the early hours of the morning. And I'm aware: it's a bad bad habit.

Today, I stepped into another new role as well. Or rather, I stepped into a whole new world of women's health. From the start, I have to be frank - I don't like my new role. I have established that I have an obsessive-compulsive trait, and I don't work well with chaos. So, I don't like the chaotic system, the chaotic ward, the chaotic handover, the chaotic timetable. I work well with order, and I don't have a very good impression of my first day in the unit.

I have made up my mind though: I'll push through this rotation (no pun intended). I know I'll get some good experience here at the very least. And I'm guessing, it can only get better from now on.

Fingers crossed.

And if I take any consolation, I'm looking forward to seeing the smiles of mothers as they receive their babies for the first time. These shall be the jewels of my daily existence on the ward.